Just Be Cool
by chakochick
Summary: Imagine if Chakotay was actually not at all cool and suave, but a bumbling idiot when it comes to working up the courage to talk to Kathryn. Based on an Instagram video (see girlconfessings and look for the guy in the red sweatshirt) Recommend you watch that first before reading, but the story works okay by itself as well.


HUGE thanks to jemabean for the inspiration and help working out the details...you are my hero!

=/\=

In _the beginning…_

Chakotay stood before the mirror in the bathroom of his quarters, eyeing his reflection. The man that stared back at him looked a little paler than normal, a bit nervous and with the makings of an embarrassing grin starting to spread across his face. He scoffed at himself as he clenched his fists, bowing his head in frustration. Why on earth was he feeling like this?

Chakotay considered himself a confident man. Confident without being cocky. He had always been comfortable around women, especially those he admired or found attractive. He knew he himself was an attractive man, and had often received second and sometimes third glances from women in his past. He enjoyed the attention, and reciprocated in kind most of the time. He'd had lovers, and had many female friends. Hell, B'Elanna was the closest thing he'd had to a best friend in years, and _she _was a beautiful woman. Never before in his life had he felt nerves like he was feeling now, when thinking about a woman.

But now, thinking about his new captain, the woman that lived just on the other side of the wall from him, he felt more like his fourteen year old self; wearing an old hooded sweatshirt, basketball shorts, dirty sneakers and a retainer. He huffed out a sigh of frustration, not understanding where this sudden bout of nerves was coming from.

He'd already spent time alone with Kathryn Janeway. They had worked together on the planet to free their people and rescue Kes. He had even spent time with her alone in her office when she'd offered him his new uniform and Commander's bars.

Why the hell was he so freaking intimidated this time?

He looked back up at himself again. He wore that uniform now; a uniform he'd worn in his past, though last time it was not adorned with the Maquis Commander's bar. Sure, it was odd to be serving in a Starfleet uniform again. He'd thought those days were long past, but there was something oddly comfortable about it this time.

But knowing that he was _her_ first officer put him completely off his game. He closed his eyes, picturing her now.

That didn't help the matter.

She was stunning, in a different way than any other woman that he'd met before in his life. He could easily get lost in the depth of those fierce blue eyes; not too unpleasant a prospect if he was being honest. She was petite and feminine, but commanding and fierce in the most beautiful way possible. She was many different things on the surface, but he could tell that there were many intriguing layers to Kathryn Janeway. And he wanted to experience them all.

That notion instantly made his palms sweat and his adam's apple bob unceremoniously under the skin of his throat.

"Be cool, just be casual. Just be cool," he huffed at his reflection.

This would be the first morning of his first shift on the bridge with Captain Janeway...nothing out of the ordinary. He'd had hundreds...maybe thousands of bridge shifts in his Starfleet career…

So why did this feel like a first date?

Shaking his head at his own idiocy, he tried to figure out what he would say when he saw her this morning. Taking a slow deep breath, he - "HI CAPTAIN!" He bellowed out before his brain could tell him to lower the volume, or better yet, stay quiet all together. He groaned, clenching his just recently unclenched fists, "No!" he scolded his reflection, "Why would you shout at her? She doesn't want you to shout at her." He closed his eyes for a moment before looking his own reflection in the face; his brown eyes dark with nerves, "Be cool."

He pondered, for the umpteenth time, the idiocy of this situation, frustrated again at his lack of calm. He was normally quite sauve when it came to interacting with women; easily flirtatious and debonair with those in which he was interested, and friendly and charming with the rest. Interacting with women was easy.

So why was this so fucking difficult?

"Hey, Captain," It came out almost in a normal tone, and definitely a normal volume, but unfortunately also accompanied with a sweeping gesture of his right hand, as if he were presenting a delicious spread of food before him, not saying good morning to a superior officer. "Why would you do _that_?!" He made the gesture again, cringing at the insanity of the motion.

Heaving out a sigh of frustration as he noted the time on the chronometer on the wall, he turned away from his reflection and exited his quarters.

He was not ready for this…

He arrived on the bridge before she did and arranged himself in his command chair. He picked up a PADD that had been left from Gamma shift and began reading over the logs from the night before. He only had around five minutes before Harry's call of "Captain on the bridge" brought him back to the present. He jerked to his feet, with a bit more enthusiasm than was necessary, but no one seemed to notice.

Captain Janeway gave the signal for 'at ease' and everyone went back to their work. Chakotay, however, stayed standing, rooted to the spot as Kathryn made her way around the railing and towards him. His breath caught in his throat as she approached, that dangerous half smile and quirked eyebrow coming nearer and nearer.

She looked beautiful, and as she came closer, he even realized that she _smelled _beautiful.

"Good morning, Commander," that hucky voice greeted him, causing his heart to skip a beat or two as it temporarily short circuited.

_Say something, you freaking idiot! _His mind screamed at him, but he was unable to expel air out of his lungs against his vocal chords to produce words.

He simply nodded, giving her the softest of grins that pulled his dimples into his cheeks.

Bless the spirits; it seemed to be enough. Her smile widened and she sat down.

Mirroring her movements, he sat down as well, blissfully thankful for the PADD in his hand to focus on instead of his captain, her stunning beauty and her enticing fragrance.

_It was going to be a long seventy five years…_

=/\=

_During Resolutions…_

Chakotay took a deep breath, standing before the small mirror in their Starfleet issue shelter's bathroom. He needed some privacy to work up the courage to tell her about her surprise, and the bathroom was the only place where he could truly find solitude, save for the fragrance of her lavender soap lingering in the air from her recent shower.

On an entire planet with only two human inhabitants, it seemed that Kathryn Janeway was everywhere.

They had only been marooned for five days, and it was five of the best and worst days of his life. The thought of spending the rest of his life with Kathryn on New Earth delighted and terrified him. Try though he might, he couldn't get comfortable with this new proximity and intimacy they now shared.

They slept mere feet apart, ate three meals a day together; they were constantly bumping into each other, brushing against one another, and her fragrance was everywhere in their new home. He was lulled to sleep with her perfume in the air, and woke up to the scent of coffee and Kathryn each morning. She was everywhere, all the time, and he both treasured it and vehemently rued the day they were infected by the virus.

And now he was about to give her a freaking bathtub. As if spending his days and nights within feet of Kathryn wasn't enough, now he would be picturing her while she was bathing.

Letting out a shaky sigh, he eyed his reflection warily. She was just outside the door, working as hard as ever on her research for a cure. He knew it was a futile attempt, but he'd be damned if he told her so.

He stared his reflection down for nearly ten seconds, picturing Kathryn in his mind's eye.

"Hello, Kathryn," he spoke to his visage, bowing at the waist as he spoke. Shaking his head at his idiocy, he let his body continue until he dropped his forehead on the counter top, giving it an extra thud for good measure. "No, she's not the Queen of England."

Jerking back upright, he glanced at his image again, drawing in a slow deep breath, his chest pressing out gently as his lungs expanded. It made him appear a bit taller and broader, "Just go up to her desk and be like, 'Hello, Kathryn'" he spoke to his reflection as he lifted a leg, propping his foot on the edge of the counter. "It's like a power stance, to show her that - " he admired the confident look his body had taken on...and immediately noticed the way the material of his pants pulled tight around his groin, leaving little to the imagination, "but then things are in her face. You don't want that," he pointed accusingly at himself.

He allowed his foot to fall, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his head into his hands in embarassed defeat yet again.

Why is this so freaking difficult?

Over the last year he'd gotten so much better at the day to day conversations they had. They'd grown closer. He'd cooked her dinners and she'd used his medicine bundle.

Why was he behaving like a hormonal frat boy?

He let his head drop to the counter once again…

..damn it…

=/\=

_A few years later…_

Chakotay stood in the holodeck locker room, having changed out of his workout clothes. He and B'Elanna had gone nine rounds of Velocity and he was feeling it. He had already taken a shower and now B'Elanna was using it while Chakotay prepared for what he hoped would be a very enjoyable evening.

Neelix was throwing one of his casual morale boosting cookouts, and this would be the first time Chakotay would actually ask Kathryn to accompany him. They had started out arriving separately, would eventually drift together for a chat before drifting apart and leaving separately. Several times Kathryn had told Chakotay what time she'd planned to arrive so that they could show up together. Once Kathryn was waiting outside his quarters when he left, but only to tell him that she wouldn't be able to go.

This time, as long as his nerves didn't get the better of him, he was going to ask _her_ to accompany _him._

He hoped it wasn't too presumptuous, and he hoped that he wouldn't lose his confidence. He thought about using his comm badge to ask her, but he'd rather ask her to her face. They had been to dozens of these dinners, but somehow, after everything they'd been through over the last five years, asking her to come with him now seemed different...more intimate somehow…

He leaned on the sink in front of him, one hand resting on each side of the porcelain basin, his eyes raising to his reflection.

He felt instant butterflies as he did each time he was trying to work out what to say to Kathryn.

"Hello, Kathryn," he spoke to his reflection, disgusted and appalled when his voice cracked and jumped an octave higher when he said her name. "Ugh, keep the voice in check." He pressed his fingers to his throat, "Puberty is a WHORE." He yelled to no one in particular.

Of course it was at that moment that B'Elanna came around the corner, freshly showered and dressed in casual clothing, a smirk on her face as she watched her friend. Boy, she thought to herself, he had it bad for their captain.

"She's literally JUST a human being." B'Elanna leaned against the wall next to the mirror, her brow furrowing deeper than normal as she tried to figure out why Chakotay was struggling with his nerves. "You'll ask her to go to dinner with you, and she'll say yes. End of conversation."

B'Elanna had witnessed over the years how close Captain Janeway and Chakotay had grown, and quite frankly she was happy for both of them. But Chakotay seemed to blow it every time they were on the cusp of crossing that last line to something more. She felt bad for him...but watching him flounder now was pretty hilarious.

"Well, you figure it out, Casanova. I'll see you at dinner." She slapped him on the shoulder as she exited the locker room.

Chakotay heaved a sigh, dropping his hands to his sides in defeat, "I don't know why this is so difficult for you!" He yelled at his reflection.

"Janeway to Chakotay," his comm badge chirped to life on the sweater he wore.

"Go ahead," he let out a soft, wavering sigh, hoping it was quiet enough that Kathryn would not hear it.

"I was just wondering what time you were going to pick me up for Neelix's dinner."

Chakotay felt a nervous shiver run down his arms and a silly smile pulled his lips up to meet his dimples. "Whenever you'd like, Kathryn."

He let out another sigh, still disgusted with his lack of nerve to ask her himself, but glad nonetheless that they were going to the dinner together.

=/\=

_Back home…_

"Please just ask her to the dance. Just ask her...CALMLY!" Chakotay growled at his reflection. Why in the world, after spending the better part of a decade with this woman, could he NOT get over his juvenile fear of her?

He was dressed casually. She would be dressed casually. He'd asked her to come to his place for lunch, as he had done countless times on Voyager. She had asked _him _to meals countless times on Voyager. He felt more comfortable around her than anyone else in his life, and yet he still got an acid stomach and a case of sweaty palms whenever he had something important to tell or ask her. Not to mention that voice modulation became a serious issue.

Their official 'Welcome Home Ball' was scheduled for this Saturday evening, and since it was already Wednesday, he didn't have much time left to ask her.

Hopefully no one else already had.

So now he stood, once again, in front of his mirror, trying to rationalize the perfect way to approach the subject.

He knew he was nervous because he didn't want this to be just a captain and her first officer going to a Starfleet function together.

He wanted this to be different.

Just the thought sent his heart racing and that goofy, idiotic grin showed up on his face.

Shaking his head to try to clear it of the thoughts that were doing more harm than good, he took a deep breath and stood up straight.

"Hi Kathryn, would you like to go to the ball with me?" It wasn't bad...it wasn't bad at all…

...except for the way his hands had turned into claws and he swatted at his reflection like a cat swatting at a feather toy.

_idiot _

"Why would you come at her like that, though?" He mimicked the motion, repulsed at his complete inability to be suave or charming when it came to Kathryn. She was due over for lunch within the next fifteen minutes, and he was getting closer and closer to a panic attack by the second. "It's gonna get misconstruded if you come at her like a bear attacking a beehive."

He shook his head again, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet, desperate for a sense of calm to come over him. He glanced at the chronometer.

She would be there in ten minutes...probably less if her pattern for promptness was any indicator.

He glanced at his reflection again but was embarrassed by the nervous teenager that seemed to always be looking back at him.

"Ugh, why are you the way that you are? Why are you the way you are?" He sighed out to the empty room.

Just as he took in another deep breath and lifted his head, his door chime rang. Shaking his head in defeat, knowing that he would for sure be going to the ball by himself, he walked slowly towards his front door.

_She's literally JUST a human being._

B'Elanna's words from years ago came back to him, and he chuckled to himself.

Kathryn was not _just _anything. She was his everything. Taking a deep breath, he took hold of the door handle and turned it.

He was so screwed...

He pulled the door open, and there she was.

"Good afternoon, Chakotay," she spoke gently, almost bashfully, her half smile lighting up her face.

"Kathryn, would you go to the ball with me on Saturday?" The words were out before he realized that his brain and sent the message to his lips to speak the question. Also before he even said hello.

Thankfully, his hands remained un-clawlike and by his sides.

Her half smile turned into a full blown, toothy, 'Kathryn Janeway is very happy about something' smile. She lay a hand on his arm gently.

"Of course I will. I'm surprised you even thought you had to ask." Her tone was low and husky, and Chakotay knew his heart had skipped three or four beats while he'd waited for her answer.

If he thought he was nervous before, now he actually had to _take _her to the ball.

=/\=

Chakotay moved with B'Elanna on the dance floor. Tom had asked Kathryn to dance and she had gladly accepted, willingly dancing with any member of the crew that wanted to. This was such a joyous evening, and Kathryn had each and every crew member to thank for their return home.

"Chakotay, your palms are all sweaty. What the hell are you so nervous about?" B'Elanna chided her friend as they danced. Chakotay gave her a grimace but a soft smile tugged his lips.

"I just don't want to put myself out there if Kathryn isn't interested."

B'Elanna laughed out loud, slapping Chakotay's shoulder, "You're such a moron." Her eyes met his. "She's danced with you most of the night, and stared at you for the rest of it. A blind targ could see how much she adores you, and it's just as obvious how you feel about her." She leaned in to whisper to him as they swayed around, a bit closer to where Tom and Kathryn were dancing. "Just put yourself and ALL of us out of our misery and just ask her out."

Chakotay was about to retort that it wasn't nearly that easy, but just then the song ended. Everyone on the dance floor stopped and applauded the musicians, and Chakotay watched as Kathryn and Tom approached them. "B'Elanna, if you don't mind, I'd like to take my dance partner back." Kathryn slid up next to Chakotay, already placing herself in his arms before the next song had even started. B'Elanna nodded, moving off of the dance floor and back towards her table with Tom.

The next song started, a slow song that sent butterflies scurrying around in his stomach. He'd quickly wiped his palms on the fabric of his pants to alleviate the moisture building there before taking Kathryn in his arms again.

'_Kathryn, I really want to kiss you.' _His mind was trying (and of course failing) to figure out what to say to her.

'_Kathryn, may I kiss you?' _He grimaced to himself as his brain kept firing off worse and worse ideas.

Here we go again...

"Chakotay, what is it?" Kathryn spoke gently to him, her eyes beginning to swim with concern.

"I just - " he stopped. This had never worked for him before. Without thinking or rationalizing or planning, he moved closer. He tipped his head down and was emboldened when he saw her eyes flicker to his lips, wetting her own with the tip of her tongue. He closed the distance, pressing his mouth to hers.

He felt her sigh as she returned the kiss, her lips slipping gently and perfectly along his. He silently thanked the spirits for this outcome as he let go of her hand to wrap both of his arms around her.

When he finally pulled away for air, he was met with that lopsided grin, her eyes sparkling. "Huh, took you long enough, Commander."

Chakotay chuckled, tugging on his ear, "Kathryn, you have no idea."


End file.
